he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
