yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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