if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
