omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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