I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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