I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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