I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize