I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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