Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
