Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
