Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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