the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
