oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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