Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Pooping to opera.
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