it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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