DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
