Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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