I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
