I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
