How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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