highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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