I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
