Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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