Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
