Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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