I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My dick has a subreddit
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
