I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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