My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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