nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
