i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
