I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
