i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You need a sexual gate keeper
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
