My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
