i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
