Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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