I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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