dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
