Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
