I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
