you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
