I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
