You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
