...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
