somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
