he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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