im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
