she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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