dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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