I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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