I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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