Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
