Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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