I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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