update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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