Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
