Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They are going to name an STD after you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
