you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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