well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
