Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
