i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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