Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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