So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
