On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
