the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
