He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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