Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
