There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
