I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
