i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's paper in my vomit.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
