i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
