Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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