went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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